|Very true of how I often feel|
I won't lie. I'm very anxious. All the time. It's just natural for me as I am a very Type A personality. You know, I must have everything done at the right time, the right way, or I turn into a puddle of angry confused mush! I'm always pushing myself to the limit and once I've reached that, I push harder beyond. Is that sane or healthy? Probably not, but what can I say? I feel more accomplished living as such, that I can't begin to change myself. My high stress level is both a blessing and a curse.
Maybe this is why I try to surround myself with zen folks. I go to them when I feel overwhelmed and cramped inside my head. A few hours of good conversation and I'm usually back on track. But lately, more than not, even my go to cure isn't helping. It's only soothing the symptoms, not attacking the disease. I am working on my second installment to my first novel and I'm having a problem getting there.
What's the issue, you're wondering? It's fear. And that fear is making me stressed out. Not normal, 'Yikes, I forgot to pick up milk' kind of stressed. More like, 'I seriously just left my wallet and all my identification on the public transportation' kind of freaked out. I'm worried that I can't make the sequel better than the first. Isn't that a thing? Yet, I won't quit. My personality won't let me. So, most nights I'm up at all odd hours, while my entire family sleeps just trying to perfect something that is probably already sounding pretty good.
It's getting a point that I'm experiencing headaches almost every night. Sleep deprivation isn't a joke (and that's not a good thing to have when you've got three kids and one is 16 months). Plus, I'm having trouble remembering basic things. I keep losing stuff, which is norm for me, but has gotten pretty bad. I lost my Kindle three times. And it was right under my thigh each freakin' time!!!
So, I've decided, though I was going to have Down the Yellow Brick Road: Mind Games done by the third week of this month, I refuse to push myself. I need a vacation. A break, even if it's just for a few hours. We all do you know? So my mother is coming next week. I'm going to drag my husband out for a few hours to eat and see The Avengers. She'll have the kids. I will relax...I have to. Because I know if I don't do something to decompress soon, I may go beyond the crazy that I already am. And trust me...no one wants that. No one..